From Chaos to Clarity

The beginning of my journey to sobriety

For years, I was known as the wild one. The reckless one. The one who never turned down a drink, a party, or a chance to escape reality. People saw me as just another lost cause, a troublemaker, someone who couldn’t get their life together. What they didn’t see was the pain beneath it all.

Trauma shaped my life in ways I didn’t understand at the time. I wasn’t just partying for fun—I was running. Running from the weight of my past, from emotions I didn’t know how to process, from a version of myself I couldn’t face. Drugs and alcohol weren’t just habits; they were survival mechanisms. But survival isn’t the same as living. The late nights, blurry mornings, wild stories— partying was my entire life for a long time.. But when the "fun" wore off and the hangovers became heavier, when the bad things started happening.. I started to realize something: I didn’t know who I was outside of the party scene. I knew something needed to change, and it took a few years to even have the capability to start doing so.. I still say to this day: If I hadn't drank some of those days.. I would not be alive. I thank the booze for keeping me alive on days I would have not survived otherwise. It is all solely perspective.

Sobriety didn’t hit me all at once, and certainly did not happen overnight.. It crept in slowly, through moments of regret, conversations I barely remembered, and a growing exhaustion that no amount of sleep could fix. I ignored the signs for a long time. After all, partying was what I did. Who was I without it? The lifestyle I chose demanded strength and loyalty under even the most shittiest of circumstances.. Men in the tattoo industry are something else towards women in the industry. My heart truly goes out to every single woman in this industry.. we are a different breed that is for sure.. The tattoo industry in general is a parallel for drug users and drunks to normalize all of this as well.. I worked my ass off for SO long, ignored all the red flags and disrespect from these men.. I just rode with the punches and hoped for the best.. I remember being tipped in coke a few times.. something I myself am still mind blown by... I should have stood up for myself more... but that's another story for another time.

For a long time, I thought this was just who I was. I told myself I was fine. That I was just having fun. That the consequences—the broken relationships, the self-destructive cycles, the emptiness—were just part of the deal.

But deep down, I knew the truth. I wasn’t fine. I wasn’t happy. And if I kept going, I wasn’t going to make it out alive.

The breaking point wasn’t one big moment—it was a series of them. The nights that blurred into mornings I couldn’t remember. The way I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror without feeling like a stranger. And finally, the realization that if I didn’t change, I would lose everything—including myself. I had been in survival mode my entire life.. doing what I could to survive. Eventually I realized I no longer was living a life I needed to just survive in.. My son deserved so much better from the beginning.. I will never forgive myself for that time lost.. The people around me were becoming more and more toxic. I was becoming a horrid, toxic person.. Everyone around me was staying in the same exact place. No movement, nothing. Just sitting in the same bars, on the same stools, in the same town, with the same drinks or lines... every single night. Everyone, including myself, was chasing temporary highs that always led to the same heavy lows. I was tired of feeling empty. I was tired of being perceived in such a negative light by people who had no footing for judgement. I wanted more. I wanted out..

Walking away from the party lifestyle wasn’t just about quitting drinking—it was about unlearning a version of myself that I had clung to for years.. If not my life time. All excuses set aside.. I have gone through some really seriously fucked up shit.. Things that most people cringe to hear about.. so much that not a soul knows.. I had no idea how to function while masking the terrible traumas that were lurking directly under the surface.. and surfacing while I was under the influence. Which slowly but surely became 100% of the time. I lost myself big time through out the years.. Walking away was in no way easy, and if you think it is you clearly aren't doing it right.. Walking away meant losing friendships, people really loved and cared about because they were not able to come along for this ride. It meant, rewriting my entire social life.. my entire life in general - no bars, no drugs, no people who were involved with any of it. I removed pretty much everyone I know.. The biggest thing was facing my emotions.. facing the trauma. They say to get off of the train sooner than later when you know it's not heading to the right destination - the trip back costs much more and takes more time the longer you stay on.. I wish I had hopped off sooner.. Man do I wish I hopped off sooner...

I realized I didn’t have to be boring just because I was sober. I could still be fun but in ways that didn’t leave me drained and disconnected. Building a routine, new hobbies and staying busy, and spending time with people who are on the same wavelength are an absolute must for getting sober. You are going to be uncomfortable. You are going to lose friends, maybe even family. You are going to cry, hurt, feel guilty and face your shit because that is the only way out. You must take responsibility. The guilt can be debilitating. You will look back in pure shame some days, hell you might feel it for a long time. But these are the reasons you will eventually look back and be proud of yourself. The wounds will scar over. It takes time. It does not happen overnight. The harder you work to push for it, the more rewarding. Train yourself to see the good in everything, most of the time now I don't really need to even try to see the good, it just happens. Self-control is key. Period.

Even now, people still bring up my party days. Some joke about it, some don’t understand why I quit, and some expect me to relapse. I don’t get defensive—I just stay consistent.

• You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Your growth is yours.

• Not everyone will get it, and that’s okay.

• The right people will support you.

• Fuck off to anyone who gives you shit for it, or continues to bring up your past. They are not your friend

I won’t sugarcoat it—getting sober was HARD AS FUCK.. But staying in the cycle I was in? That was harder. Now, I wake up with clarity. I have real conversations, real experiences, and a real sense of purpose. I feel my own self healing and pushing toward being the best mother, business owner, friend etc. I can possibly be.

I thought sobriety would mean losing a part of myself. Instead, I found the version of me I was always meant to be. The artistic, loving, happy, caring woman that I knew was there deep down but crushed by trauma and life's shit..

If you’re thinking about making the shift, just know this: You are not alone. You are not boring. And your best days are ahead of you. I promise this.

Rebuilding...

Getting sober wasn’t just about quitting drugs and alcohol. It was about untangling the mess inside me. It was about facing the trauma I had buried under years of numbing myself. It was about learning who I actually was—not the person shaped by addiction, but the person underneath all of it.

This journey hasn’t been easy.

• Losing people who only knew the broken version of me.

• Sitting with emotions I had spent years running from.

• Rebuilding my life from nothing—no shortcuts, no escapes, just raw, honest healing.

But EVERY STEP has been worth it. Because for the first time, I’m truly living. I am proof that no matter how deep in the mud you are, you can climb out.

I know what it’s like to feel trapped. To feel like sobriety isn’t possible, that you’ve gone too far, that no one will ever see you as anything but your mistakes. That’s why I’m dedicating my life to helping others who feel the same way.

If you’re struggling, know this:

• You are not beyond saving.

• Your past does not define you.

• You deserve a life that doesn’t feel like survival.

Rebuilding yourself isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. And you don’t have to do it alone.

I was lost in the chaos, but now I’m building something real—something honest, something meaningful. If I can do it, so can you. You got this.

This is just the beginning.

I am always here for anyone looking to move toward sobriety and a better life. My email is damelaroya@gmail.com I am always one message away.

Please do not hesitate to reach out to me if you are looking to better your life. It is possible, and I am here to help.

Much love,

Sav